Sunday, August 27, 2006
Did you know Pluto is no longer a planet? That's right. It got its planetary membership card taken away. I personally feel that this is just a travesty. And I can't even imagine how Pluto feels. To think ALL this time that you're a planet. But you're not. You've been living a lie. You KNOW Pluto is having some identity issues right now.
A friend of mine posed the question, "If Pluto is out, what's next?"
I have a few suggestions.
Skinny Jeans. Girls, whose idea was this? They are a blast from the eighties, and they need to stay there. Like frosty blue eye shadow. If we all agree not to buy them, then they'll go away. Forever. LONG LIVE FLARES!!!! Aw, come on. You can hide a lot of leg in flares. Um, not so much in those skinny jeans.
Vegetables. The loss of Pluto as a planet saddens me. Makes me question everything. Like maybe next week we'll find out that vegetables aren't really a necessary food group. Dogs eat everything. But even they don't touch vegetables. I think there's a lesson to be learned there. And if we get to vote on what takes the place of veggies on the food pyramid, I'm putting all my support behind breakfast cereal. Let's see some Fruity Pebbles on that food pyramid! Who wouldn't enjoy a food group that usually comes with prizes?
The Two Day Weekend. I would be ecstatic if I turned on the news tonight and Tom Brokaw said, "Er, um...so sorry, but there seems to have been a mistake. The weekend was never supposed to have been two days. Seems we miscounted, and you're actually supposed to have Friday off too." Not only would I not be mad at the person who made the grievous error (He's probably dead anyway. Worked himself to death, you know), but I would buy him birthday presents for life. Let's take back Friday so we can watch General Hospital! Um, no--I mean so we can make a difference!
So I mourn the loss of Pluto. He was a good planet. He never did anyone any harm. Just up there in the sky. Doing planetary things. Like rotating around something, I guess.
How about you? What would you like to see abolished?
Saturday, August 19, 2006
Ah, the first week of school.
This was always such a stressful time when I was a teenager. I would fret over what to wear (Is this too fall? Does it look too new? Will someone else be wearing it--and look better in it?). I would agonize over whether to take my lunch or not. (My friends and I would literally decide this before day one. Group vote.)
And of course, I would hope against hope that some new boy would roll into my small town and enroll. He would catch sight of me and say, "Wow. They don't make girls like you where I come from. You are exactly what I want. If you don't agree to become my girlfriend, I will go insane and do something crazy. Like quit as captain of the football team or let my 4.0 drop to a 3.9."
Um, yeah, that boy never showed up. Sigh.
Have a great week back at school. Be yourself (even if two other girls are wearing your outfit), just eat something for lunch (don't pull a Nicole Richie), and keep your eye out for any new faces. Not just those of the opposite sex. Take a step out there and invite some new kids to sit with you at lunch. Help them out in class. Outrageous kindness is so attractive. It might even catch the attention of that new hottie sitting next to you in Algebra...