Monday, November 27, 2006
Oh, no she dih-nt

Pamela Anderson Lee Rock filed for divorce from Kid today. That's it. The world is ending. THe institution of marriage is completely destroyed (see blog from 11/13). And Pamela, when you find a man with the last name Rock--you KEEP him. Rock sounds uber cool tacked onto anyone's name. Oprah Rock. Sinead O'Rock. Jet Li Rock. It even makes Clay Aiken sound macho. Clay Rock... Okay, yeah, nevermind.

I gotta run and turn on the news. Gotta make sure George and Barbara are still together.

  posted at 5:12 PM  

Thursday, November 23, 2006
Talkin' Turkey
On this day after Thanksgiving, I'm gonna be oh-so original and share with you what I am thankful for.

1. I am thankful that these two finally got married.

Had they not, I never would've known that in a Scientology ceremony the alien, er, that is groom pledges the following to his soon-to-be wife: clothes, food, and tender happiness and frills. A pan (A PAN??), a comb, perhaps a cat. And what does she pledge in return (besides a her frequent flier miles on the Mother Ship)? Kissing. Yup, seriously. So he gets kisses on demand and what does she get? Some Farberware fry pans and a lazy feline, both of which will require cleaning.

But I'm thankful for TomKat because their wedding has provided hours of entertainment for me.

2. I'm thankful that Thanksgiving is a time in which napping is socially acceptable. In my family, if you are caught sleeping during the day, you are given the look that says, "You are a lazy oaf. You should be doing something useful like cleaning the gutters, organizing your sock drawer, bathing the dog, or alphabetizing your lipstick collection." But not on Thanksgiving. Did you know turkey contains an amino acid called tryptophan? Tryptophan releases a calming chemical into the body, thus, making us sleepy. So I can nap in peace without becoming the shame of the family.

3. As I'm writing this I am about to embark on Black Friday, the busiest, craziest shopping day of the year. Why is it called Black Friday, you ask? Good question. It's called this because I will be in mourning over the fact that I get up at 3:30 in the morning to particpate. THREE THIRTY!!! And I will be in mourning all day long over how many times my personal space is invaded. Over how many times the family member I ride with circles the parking lot over and over to get "the one" parking spot. In mourning over the fact that Wal-Mart sold out of whatever it is I needed to buy to somebody who had been camped out since one a.m. Black Friday is NUTS. And yet I make myself go every year anyway because it's not about good deals for me. It's about hanging out with my family and continuing a tradition. I've gone every year but one since I was born. And that was a LONG time ago. (In the Stone Ages when people didn't camp overnight for a stinking laptop and a Tickle Me Elmo.) And I figure, if my eighty-five year old grandmother can still hack it, then so can I.

4. I'm thankful for God, the author of my life and all blessings. When I have to get up at three thirty in the morning to shop today, He says, "Child, you are nuts, but I love you anyway." When I skip a meaningful daily task to read up on TomKat or Britney and K-Fed, he says, "You are totally wasting the time I give you, but you are still mine." When I mess up and open my mouth and shove my foot in, He says, "Not cool. But there's a book I'd like you to read." And I give him glory because by the time this hits the 'Net, I will have finished my second book in the Katie Parker series, and I honestly didn't think I would survive it and see the final page. But I did. And it's only because of Him. This has been a whirlwind, awesomely, fantabulous year for me. And I give God the glory. Because he looks at all my doubts and fears and says, "See,I told ya so. You and me--we gotta stick together."

And please pray for me as I endure elbows, grumpiness, mean looks, and yelling on this horrific shopping day. And pray for everyone I encounter. Because the elbows, grumpiness, mean looks, and yelling? Yeah, um, I was talking about me.

  posted at 7:48 PM  

Monday, November 13, 2006
Stop the Insanity
It’s been a troublesome week. The world is falling apart, and I have no time to comment on it. No time to reach out to those in need—like K-Fed—and lend my support and rhyming skills. I have a book deadline at the end of the month, and so no time to commit to following all these stories reverberating across the globe like an atomic bomb.

I have considered going to my publisher and saying, “Look...publisher. Yes, I have a commitment to you to turn in a book by December first, but the times—they are a changin’. (Insert patriotic music here). The world as we know it is disintegrating right before our very eyes. I need time. Time to process it all. Time to heal. Time to catch up on some E! Publisher, you need to know how disturbing the planet is right now. We cannot ignore these travesties against humanity anymore."

(Please keep humming the Star Spangled Banner. Key of G)

"The Conservatives are right. The sanctity of marriage is in jeopardy. I offer up Exhibit A:”

Exhibit B:

Who next—Ruth and Billy Graham?

Now as for this couple:

I knew that was coming. Sure, they were in marriage counseling and worked at their relationship during their time together. Real commendable. BUT, ladies, we all know you don’t marry someone who refuses to pose for the camera. Shame on you, Reese Witherspoon. Where are your priorities? Your chances probably would’ve been better with someone like this guy

He’s clearly not afraid to smile for the paparazzi. But Ryan? I DARE you to find a teeth revealing shot of him.

"Hello, my name is Ryan Phillippe. My wife is about to get an Oscar, and this is the best I could do."

And then Madonna went and grabbed herself a baby. People have taken her to court and she is bereaved. I would take her to court too. Apparently the Queen Mum has taken over her body, a la Emily Rose style, and the Michigan-born Material Girl spouts her English accent every chance she gets. Country of Malawi , I appeal to you. Do you really want to send this child home to the Queen Mum? Didn’t you see the Lifetime movie about Princess Diana? Spoiler Alert: It does NOT end good!

Prince has invaded Vegas. Oh, how the mighty have fallen. A moment of silence if you will….

This is almost as disturbing as the day I found out that little man was only five feet tall. LITTLE red corvette, indeed.

Alas, I must carry on. I know I am not alone in my pain and in my fears. We are a tough nation, and we shall get through. We shall overcome. But if Pamela Anderson and Kidd Rock call it quits, I will not be responsible for my behavior. I must believe there are some things in this world still worth believing in.

  posted at 4:47 PM  

Saturday, November 04, 2006
Meet the Fam
Just wanted to share pictures of my niece, Katie Beth, and nephew, Hardy, from Halloween. They are the cutest kids EVAHHHH!!!!

Eye witnesses claim to have seen him jumping on the couch, shouting, "I'm gone, Oprah! I'm totally gone."

And my favorite bug in the world, Katie Beth. That's her dad, the ham on the right.

And finally, my baby. This year my little Einstein went as a box of Dasani.

  posted at 10:06 PM  

Wednesday, November 01, 2006
Check It Out

Girls, God, and the Good Life is a Christian blog specifically for teen girls (or for adults like me who can't seem to grow up...). I get the opportunity to blog on there a few times a month. Check it out HERE.

  posted at 10:15 AM  

About Me

Jenny B. Jones

Arkansas, US

I am a teacher in one of the largest high schools in the state. I'm also a writer of Young Adult novels and am currently working on a brand new series. Book three in the Katie Parker Production series, The Big Picture, will hit shelves in April 2008. Stay tuned!

My Complete Profile

Sign Up