It's that time of year again. Time to make resolutions.
Here are some of mine. I personally think it's important to pick resolutions you can actually accomplish so you don't spend the rest of the year hating yourself because you didn't learn Italian or climb Mt. Fuji.

I resolve to:
1. Pack lighter on my next trip. I don't know what possesses me to think I need to bring every pair of shoes I own and my entire personal library, but it tends to weigh things down. It might not be too bad to wheel it to the curb at the airport, but it takes me 15 minutes just to load it in the car. And it usually involves words my neighbors don't need to hear.

2. Go to bed earlier more often. This is hard in the winter because as we all know by now I stay up to watch four different news channels to catch the weather. I wish I could be like Martha Stewart and survive on four hours of sleep then pop out of bed with this burning desire to make a torte, but I'm not.

3. Take my multi-vitamins. Why is it so hard? And why must they make them the size of a small tomato? Remember baby aspirin? Now those were fun to take. Not only were they all tiny and dissolvey, but they tasted like oranges! Yum!

4. Check my email less. I think I have a disease. When I'm writing, I tell myself I check it every hour. It ends up being every 15 minutes. It just gets in the way and distracts me from what I really need to be --

5. Read People magazine more. This will be easy because I got a super cool subscription for Christmas! Now I will be so on top of the important things in this world like what's new with the Jolie-Pitts, what Suri Cruise is wearing, and which football star Jessica Simpson is taking home to meet grandma. Let's face it, the Middle East will always be full of turmoil. That's a constant, so why get updates? But reading about Hollywood? Now there's some time well spent. Unless you plan on going on Jeopardy. Then you'll wish you had gotten a Newsweek subscription for Christmas. (You will, but I still won't.)

6. Watch more TV. This past year television and I pretty much parted ways. My old shows were off (Veronica Mars and Gilmore Girls), Grey's stunk, and I just didn't have time to invest in anything new. But I need to reconnect with my long lost friend. I will start by dedicating some time every week when American Idol comes back on. During that time, I resolve that all work will cease, and I will give Simon, Randy, Paula, and Seacrest my all. And I want to check into that show Pushing Daisies. It's about a guy who touches people and they come back to life. So he brings his dead girlfriend back to life, but if he touches her again then she'll keel over for the final time. My ninth graders told me when the characters kiss they hold a piece of Saran Wrap between them. I told my students they should try that. So far no one has taken my challenge. It would sure cut down on the flu outbreaks at school though.

Have a great New Year. Hope we all have a fabulous 2008. I'd love to hear your resolutions. And I guess if you don't have any of your own, you could copy mine. They are pretty great. And fairly low maintenance. In fact, I feel like a winner already!

Did everyone have a good Christmas? I sure did! I've had a really great week off from all things writing. Except gift tags. Had to write those. In bulk.

Here is a breakdown of my Christmas break so far (or Winter break as my PC school likes to call it).

Thursday night before C'mas was the yearly ornament party at my friend Holly's. It was a great turn out. And by that I mean the food brought was excellent. So you bring an ornament and play "dirty santa." And in this game the ornament you pick when it's your turn can get taken away. It's taken a few years for a lot of the ladies to suck it up and take things away. But a few of us believe the more vicious, the more fun! It's the Christmas spirit! These three Jones ladies are not afraid to rip an ornament out of someone's hand. (My aunt, not pictured, even took an ornament away from a two year old.)

"The lady in the jingle bell sweater looks weak. I'll steal from her."
"Good strategy. I'll go for the woman with the walker."
"And steal her cookies, too. These are awesome."

And then I shop like a maniac over the weekend. And then I reshop. You know, in those final hours you begin to doubt every item you've purchased since November and you basically go back and start all over again and pray you've still got your receipts so you can take the first batch back.

Then you wake up and the weekend is gone and it's Christmas Eve. And on Christmas Eve I go to my dad's home and celebrate, then go back to my house, drag everything out into the living room (including snacks, of course), turn on Turner Classic Movies, wrap until about midnight, then leave for my mother's house. And when the wake-up call comes Christmas morning I'm usually a wee bit fatigued. And crabby. . .

And when I'm in wrap mode, which lasts for hours, Psycho Kitty likes to get involved. I had all these presents neatly wrapped, tagged, and bowed. Then Psycho Kitty pounced on the scene.

"Did you want this box? Too bad."

Here he is an hour later. Still in the box.


Notice the array of items. The TV is on TCM. Cover Girl is playing, a Rita Hayworth and Gene Kelly movie I hadn't seen before. It's so good. Rita plays a girl who works for this small theater in New York, owned and operated by Mr. Kelly. Then she gets discovered and becomes a cover girl model for magazines. And of course, Broadway comes calling and she gets a marriage proposal from a rich man, but then there's still humble, slightly poor Gene Kelly. It was like watching my life on screen! So similar.

There's also a weighted exercise ball in the floor there. In case I need to work my triceps. Or bean a cat. There's the remote because sometimes the dance numbers on TCM get a little lengthy, and I need to do some channel flipping and see what Ralphie's status is on the 24 hour marathon of A Christmas Story.

But it's hard to wrap when Psycho Kitty decides to wage war on each and every box. At some point in the evening the little kitty voices in his head tell him that the bows are out to get him. So he attacks them. Every single one.


"What's that, Bow? Are you talking smack to me?"


"What's that, kitty voice in my head? The only way to save the world is to eat every bow in the room? I am so on it."

"And then I must stick all two hundred of them under the couch where they won't be found until sometime next year? Genius!"

So Psycho Kitty dismantled the bows in like five seconds, hopping from one present to the next, a big wad of bow in his teeth. And then he moved onto tags...

If you just haven't seen enough Christmas yet (or if this hasn't made it to your inbox, which I'm sure it probably has at least twice), this is a great send off. Stick with it--it gets better.


And if your brain is mush from too much shopping, wrapping, and egg nogging, HERE's something to whip it back into shape. It's a little addicting. And supposedly it's for a good cause...one grain of rice at a time.

Have a good weekend. Not too many hours left of 2007!

Welcome! Welcome!
I konw you're super excited--the enthusiasm is palpable. (Or maybe I'm just feeling the after effects of all that bean dip from last night.)
Drumroll please... (D.R. Hint: I find the rolling of the tongue more effective than the pounding of hands on a hard surface, but my friend Leslie prefers the method of. . . nevermind.)

...It's the Jen's Favorite Things Show 2007!
Just like Oprah's!
Except you're not really here. . . because that would be awkward.(I'm still in my pj's and I have some deep conditioner fermenting in my hair at the moment.)
And I'm not giving things from my list away. (Though if you're interested in a few cats, one vacuum cleaner that doesn't work but I've kept for two years anyway, or a collection of used Post-Its, let me know!)
And another difference is these things aren't new. Or expensive to the point only Warren Buffet or a Hilton could purchase them.

But I shall share with you some of my favorite things I've purchased in two thousand and seven, the year of our Lord.

1. Pens. I've always had a favorite pen. Even when I was broke and in college, I would splurge on some favorite writing utensils (splurge = spend an extra buck). Never could stand the stick pens. Here's the pen I've been using for a few years:

The Pilot Precise V5, extra fine. These pens make me happy because you can get them in pink, purple, turquoise, and green. And who wouldn't feel better receiving an F from their teacher when it's happily written in hot pink?

2. Running Shoes.

You cannot just run in any old tennie, you know. (Or walk. Or stroll. Or sprint away from unruly flocks of hungry geese, depending on which trail around here you pick. Seriously, YIKES. A friend and I saw a gaggle swoop in on a baby a few weeks ago. They were totally going to EAT her!) Anyway, I have strayed a few times, but my good old Asics (I prefer Gel Keyano) always take me back. Though I wander to cooler, hipper shoes, my Keyanos are always there with open arms, forgiving me for my roving eye.

3. This coat.

My L.L. Bean down jacket. Now I have never had an opinion about a coat one way or the other. Don't really like to wear them; don't get excited about them. Well, if I was stuck in a blizzard in a stalled car with no food or water, I'd care. But this is Arkansas, and as you know by now, we barely get flakes, let alone a miraculous blizzard. But in bitterness I digress. . . So this is my favorite coat. It is like wearing a blanket--except you won't trip on it and bust your nose on the coffee table. And weighs less than a pound. Because if you're like me, you don't want any extra poundage. And like my favorite pens, they come in fun, bright colors. I have the pink and this makes me easy to find in a busy mall. Because I tend to get lost. A lot.

4. Force Flex Trash bags.

If I've never had a strong opinion about a coat, I felt even less passionate about trash bags. A trash bag is a trash bag. . . or is it? When I saw the commercial of the woman grabbing hers to save herself from a meteor shower and imminent death, I thought, I must have those. Because death by cosmic rocks is something we tend to avoid thinking about, but in 2007 I decided to get proactive and not live in denial any longer. Meteor showers happen, people. And I for one, want to be ready. Of course I hear snow happens, too, but I've yet to see that either.

5. Books.
I have mentioned this before, but the world renowned agent Chip MacGregor sent me this book and I loved it.

Nonfiction really isn't even my bag. But this book is laugh out loud funny. I have been telling everyone I know about it. It seriously makes a good gift. People will think you have cutting edge taste in literature. And it's also a great warning to parents. Because sometimes a child is born who will grow up to remember every single minute of her life. And then she will write about these moments in a book. I personally don't remember the majority of my life (my brother and I both have faulty wiring in our memories), but one thing I do remember is that I only have one photo album of me as a baby. My brother has like 50 million (yes, he's older). And not only that, but in my one album, seventy-five percent of the pictures include my brother. And there's a recipe for a pot roast just stuck in there. "Where's my pot roast recipe? Oh, yeah, in my kid's photo album. What a handy thing that is..."

And I really liked this book this year.

You read a devo every day and it gives you something to pray about or focus/work on for that day. Like one day trying to remove all negative thoughts from your mind and turning them into positive. Example...

Original Thought: If it doesn't snow I am going to end up hurting someone.

Revised Thought: If it doesn't snow I am going to lay hands on someone and pray over them in Christian kindness. And my hands will be on the throat area. Squeezing love into his/her throat. Until they see stars. Like the kind of stars our good Lord made.

That's all for my wrap-up of 2007. If you discovered any must-have products, please let me know. I am easily swayed by testimonials and will no doubt immediately rush out and get two.

Have a Merry Christmas!!! I will be taking a few days off to wrap myself up in the joy of the season. (Okay, I am so behind on my deadline, and I'm going to be furiously cranking out some pages. Which will probably end up in my Glad Force-Flex trash bags. While I run into the highway in my Asics Keyanos. And brain myself with a copy of Joyce Meyer's Battlefield of the Mind.

Hey, check out TitleTrakk.com for a peek into some author's favorite Christmas memories. I especially enjoyed Justin Lookadoo's response.
Merry Christmas. God bless us one and all.

Or maybe I have a compulsion.
I seem to have a teeny, tiny obsession with buying--and taking back--digital cameras. I can't help it! As soon as you buy one, an ad comes out within a few weeks for something bigger (actually smaller) and better.

But it's getting harder and harder to return them. Monday I went to two Wal-Mart stores, spoke with five different people, all because I was wanting to return a camera and was over their 30 day return policy by seven measly days (6.5 if you want to get specific and count by hours). There are so many restrictions, and they want to see every piece of documentation in your purse.
"Um. . . we'll need an unstamped passport, your birth certificate, two boxes of
Twinkies, your kindergarten picture, and the hair of a toad." The hair of a
toad? Crap, I gave out my last one at Target.

But I finally stopped at the right Wal-Mart, and after breaking out my best "Show Me Your Christmas Spirit" face, they relented and gave me a refund.

My new camera arrives Friday. I call it Camera No. 207.

So I have like two and a half hours of school left before vay-kay. I am super excited. Sure, I'll be working the whole break on a little book, but at least I won't be teaching and writing. Okay, teaching and emailing, but whatever.

Or I might spend my doing doing THIS.

Here's our first snow! Can you see all the flakes?
OF COURSE YOU CAN'T!!!!
I think the weathermen out there are all conspiring against me. They toy with my feelings. So our 4-6 inches, which later got moved to 2-4 inches, ended up being a teeny, tiny dusting. Just enough to look pretty coming down...then melt immediately on impact. It was heart-wrenching. Maybe it didn't stick because I kept watching it. You know how temperamental snow can be. What if I ruined the snow day for everyone? I can't handle that kind of responsibility.

So tonight I am working with some fellow churchies on some Angel Tree stuff and I get a call. It's from a local church--the one that asked me to speak at their Christmas banquet Tuesday. Except it wasn't Tuesday. My pastor's wife tells me that I was to be there TONIGHT. I was FLIPPING out. I apologized like one hundred million times. And I said a bunch of stuff I can't even remember--just started babbling. I think I might've promised her my first born in penance. Or maybe it was my least favorite cat... And then I come home and head straight for the fridge. I am a stress eater. Anyone else? And I am normally a stress drinker (of Diet Dr. Pepper, of course), but we know how that's going right now, and even though I wanted to drown my sorrows in the awesome, acidy burn of DDP, I had to RESIST! Because aspartame is NOT my friend! Though I sure missed him tonight. So instead I made do with what I had--a bowl of leftover soup and two servings of Raisin Bran. It did not have nearly the same effect as some DDP, but at least I got to keep all my brain cells.

And then hours later, after I've cursed myself a million times, the pastor calls and turns out he DID tell me the banquet was on Tuesday! Can you say HUGE relief?
I just flat out told him, "I am REALLY glad it's your fault!"

I mix stuff up ALL the time, but usually not big deal things because I triple, quadruple check, KNOWING I screw things up so often. I'm the type of person who can be so distracted I'll climb in the bathtub with my socks on. Or stick toilet paper in the fridge instead of the milk. And this kind of craziness seems to be happening more frequently in the last 12 months or so. So this event not only made me feel bad, but it also had me wondering if I had suffered brain trauma at some point in the last year and maybe didn't know it? Like was I in an accident and I'm stupid, but I don't remember it, and since I don't remember it, everyone has been instructed by my mother to play along and not bring it up--you know the fact that I'm now mentally incapacitated and there was that blunt head trauma. But NO! It wasn't my fault this time! Unless my mother called the pastor and reminded him that he needed to play along, too... And if that's what happened, guys, I am TOTALLY on to you.

Speaking of crazy, how about this wave pool in Tokyo? Can you say PERSONAL SPACE INVASION? I would love to know their drowning statistics.


Have a good week! I begin my Christmas vay-kay Wednesday--woo-hoo!!!!

Toward the tailend of a deadline, I take on a new persona. I get cranky, I guard my time like a pitbull, and everything stresses me out. And occasionally I forget to bathe. ...just kidding. Well, except for today, but who showers on Fridays anyways?

So let me tell you my woes.
First of all, one of my favorite Mexican restaurant chains has shut down.
A moment of silence if you will...

I seriously think about them all the time now. Oh, Acambaro, how could you get raided and have mysterious buildings and illegal workers, yet such lovely queso? And do I really care? No, I don't. I will turn the other way--we all will. Just bring our Acambaro, home of the six dollar fajitas, back to us. And yes, some say it was a den of health code violations anyway, but people who say that are taco snobs, and I don't associate with taco snobs.
(But I do associate with taco platters valued at $3.99.)

But now I'm having to eat at the competitors, Maria's. And it's not the same. I'm so depressed. I think I need medication for this. A fajita detox. It's so unfair.

And the next thing I'm distraught about...snow. I know you're sick of hearing about it, but winter just started baby, so get used to it. This is all I talk about from November to March. So all the sudden some serious weather popped up in the forecast about midweek. We were to have 4-6 inches of snow Saturday. This totally made MY WEEK.

Every night and every morning I would watch the weather and read the weather, then watch and read it some more, just hoping for crumbs of information. And it was ONE HUNDRED PERCENT chance of snow here. These weathermen weren't messing around. But yet they were messing around--WITH MY HEAD!!!!! Now suddenly, overnight, we've gone from 4-6 inches to "flurries" and from 100% chance to THIRTY. Can you even feel my pain? And no, a Saturday snow probably wouldn't have gotten me out of school Monday (I know this because I calculated the statistical odds last night...), but it would've made Saturday all pretty. And I could've stayed home and watched it and worked and caught up so I would not be so crabby and like shower and stuff so my cats and friends would quit avoiding me. But now that's not going to happen because the weathermen are evil and the jet stream is clearly a tool of Satan.

But at least I have THIS to relieve some of my chalupa-less stress. (And thanks Christy for the link!)

Have a good weekend.
Sincerely,
Miss Crabby Pants

I'm a loser blogger, and I have nothing prepared today. I have gifts to buy, gifts to wrap, Christmas programs to attend, papers to grade, a couple hundred pages to write, a toilet or two to clean, snow to pray for, and a speech to practice on why Christmas makes me happy.

So in the meantime here's some fun things to check out.
If you're like me, you are snow deprived. It's not something the FDA has approved medication for. Yet. So until then, I give you this buildable snowman.

And you might say this is baby stuff, but it's still kind of addicting. Check this out.

And somebody needs to get me the Dummy version of this game.

Here's a game based on a complicated, intricate, nail-biting plot. Bob needs to mail a bill. Get him to the mailbox.

Finally, grab your Kleenex. This is a tough PSA to watch. Unless you're made of steel, it will wrench your heart out. Education really is our best defense.

I'm a little late on the blog today. Sighhh...see, I wasn't supposed to have school today and I was going to have all day long to blog.
Then my dreams were dashed. Crushed like the cigarette butt of the teenagers who hide in the bathroom during lunch. Shattered like Britney Spears reputation. Hiijacked like the poor guys in the Tahoe victimized by Lindsay Lohan.

I would explain, but let's just say I have been having some really mean thoughts about some over-confident weathermen.

I thought I would share images of this super valuable power point I was sent. Pictures by who knows, and probably obtained and now blogged about illegally. Narration by Jenny B. Jones.

"I owe everything I am to Zip Zap Rap. He changed my life, my rhymes, and made me aware of the importance of color coordination. ZZR truly is a turntable slave. And a fashion victim."
--50 Cent


"I am Tino. And my shorts are so tight, I'm having to hold my stomach so my guts don't rupture."


"I told you I wanted Clinique Robin's Egg Blue eyeshadow duo for my sixteen birthday. NOT another stupid song! And are you sure you're only nineteen?"


"Hi, I'm Joyce. I love PBS, Harlequin romance novels, clipping coupons, and beautiful silk flowers. If you send me $19.95, you'll not only get my two record special, but you'll also get my 20 page booklet, "Everyday Afro."


"Oh, my gosh. And I thought I was the only one who forgot my shirt. We're soooo silly! Let's giggle together!"



I hope they're talking about Jesus.



Is Karatist even a word?



The Handless Organist? How long did the title committee spend on that one?



Great--now I'll be humming the title track "Satan is Real" ALLL day. Good job, Louvin brothers, good job.


Didn't you always wonder what happened to Children of the Corn?


"Hi, my name is Delores. And I have a hairspray addiction. Please buy my album so I can afford some treatment."



Before braces...before fire alarms...before more realistic fake tattoos, there was Tex Williams



The Brailettes, along with the Handless Organist, later filed a class action lawsuit against the record label for lack of creativity and polical correctedness.


"I don't even know this guy. Get your hands off me!"
-Big Lass, Bonny Lass

Have a happy Monday. I'm off to drown my sorrows in some more chocolate. And maybe fire up the LPs.

We interrupt this regularly scheduled blog to tell you there is a chance of frozen precip in the area. Jen could not be available to write her Pulitzer-worthy post today because she is busy begging her Lord for snow and ice. She cannot be torn away from the snow altar she has built in the back yard for occasions such as this. These special prayers take concentration and sometimes it takes many hours to get in "the zone."

She and her friend Holly have a ceremonial snow dance.
It's a little bit tribal--a little bit funky. It's pretty complicated. The Running Man is involved.

After the praying, after the dancing, they sing snow related songs. Songs such as "Let it Snow! Let it Snow! Let it Snow!" and "Walking in a Winter Wonderland" and "If It Doesn't Stinkin' Snow and Get Me Out of School, I'm Gonna Hurt Somebody." That last one is an original number. They have a copyright pending, so attorneys will be contacting you if you try and use it.

When all else fails Holly and Jen, both educators and shapers of young minds, start looking for student sacrifices. Strangely enough, there's always volunteers. And then they say, "Um...we were kidding. That was our crazy, zany sense of humor. We would get in serious trouble with your parents if we did that...unless you sign this waiver."

Please return to whatever you were doing. Like looking at a real blog. And remember this possible frozen precipitation possibility in your daily prayers. Or your thrice daily prayers. Facing Mecca. Whatever.

If you are stumped for the words to say, here is one the ladies sometimes use:
Our Father, who art in Heaven.
Hallowed Be Thy Name.
Thy Snow Flakes Come,
Thy Temp Will Fall
Moisture in the air, as it is on the ground.
Give us this day our frozen raindrops
And forgive us for our global warning, as we forgive absolutely anyone you want us to if it means we can have sleet.
And lead us not above thirty-two degrees,
But deliver us from fronts that barely miss us.
For snow days are the coolest, the neatest, and most relaxing days ever.
Amen.

So I'm a little grumpy.
And I've been watching too much Dr. Oz on Oprah. Because now everything I see is a potential health hazard. And I tend to obsess about that stuff. My new thing is aspartame. I drink Diet Dr. Pepper and Diet Coke. And it has aspartame. So this week at work I've had to spend a lot of time in the computer lab...with nothing better to do than to randomly Google things. And I checked into aspartame. I knew it wasn't good. But not only is it not good--it's very bad! And I always said, "One day they are going to realize that the stuff we've been drinking for years is hideous for us." Turns out I was right! (I hope I'm not psychic. I so do not have time for that.) So now I am going on a 60 day fast of aspartame. It's even in GUM!!! My favorite gum! It's EVERYWHERE. If you want to totally scare yourself, google the dangers of aspartame. I've recruited some friends and my brother into this aspartame ban. It's a 60 day challenge and we will be victorious.

Oh, my gosh. I would cut off my hand for a Diet Dr. Pepper right now.

Anyway, it should be easy. I mean, how hard is it to walk away from the Coke machine?
Seriously, I LOVE the burn as it goes down your throat--makes the eyes water!

Plus I'll be saving money.
I will probably cry when I empty out my two liter bottle tonight. Don't think I won't have a moment of silence because I will.

So if you're a diet drinker, too, you should join us. We can all be psychotically crabby together as we detox!

The other thing I'm miffed about is a little more serious.
Snow.
I have checked the Farmer's Almanac. I've checked the extended forecasts. I've mapped the stars and opened 200 persimmons. (Okay, not really on that last part). There is like zero chance of snow for my area in December. And January doesn't look too hot either. Is it too much to ask for a little frozen precipitation? Last year we got the best kind--I was at work and it came on suddenly. Like we had a mass evacuation. It took about an hour to get home (versus 25 minutes). It was perfect! WHERE IS THE LIFE THREATENING SNOW???

I'm sorry. But I think it's the aspartame that's getting to me. According to Google article No.468 I read, it's killed some of my brain cells, so I cannot be held responsible for all my actions.
You understand.
But over the next 60 days I'm going to try and get them back. The brain cells that is.
Okay, must go write a book or something.
And maybe drink something safe.
Like...water from the toilet.

It's that time of year again. Christmas carols. Tinsel. Jingle bells.
And Christmas emails.

I got this one last week and thought I'd share (translation: I had a really slow weekend and couldn't think of anything else to blog about). Feel free to contribute your own or pass it on to others. Some of us are not afraid to halt work day productivity to participate in some mindless emailing. Especially when it's in the name of Christmas!

1. Wrapping paper or gift bags? Paper. Duh. If it’s too easy to get into, it’s no fun. That could be true for a lot of things…

2. Real tree or artificial? – Call me a Grinch, but I don’t do trees at all. If I had one though it would be a 1950s silver aluminum one like my grandma's.

3. When do you put up the tree? First of Never. I used to, but my cats just didn’t appreciate it as much as I wanted them to.

4. When do you take your tree down? I do throw out some decorations. Sadly, they never made it back to the attic, so they’ve been in a spare bedroom FOR A YEAR. And THIS is why I don’t decorate for Christmas! If I had a tree it would still be in a corner of the living room.

5. Do you like eggnog? Eggs are not meant to be sipped.

6. Favorite gift received as a child? Probably my bike with the ribbon handle bars and daisy covered basket. Or my first CPK. That’s Cabbage Patch kid, if you’re down with that.(One of our coaches at work answered "A year's supply of underwear from my grandma.")

7. Do you have a nativity scene? No, knowing how much dust it would collect at my house, I think that would probably be pretty sacreligious.

8. Hardest person to buy for? I dunno, but easiest person is myself. I’m usually out shopping like a maniac (and crying and downing Starbucks and Diet Dr. Pepper) on the 24th because I’ve spent the whole month shopping for myself cause everything is marked down so much. It’s a sickness!

9. Easiest person to buy for? See above. And my cats. They get free water bowl refills. And apparently that coach at school.

10. Worst Christmas gift you ever got? A toss between the cat-related home décor items and one that I can't share online, but I sure wish I could. Oh, it was SO horrible!

11. Mail or email Christmas cards? Um...Christmas cards?

12. Favorite Christmas Movie? Elf. I like White Christmas a lot too. And Christmas Vacation. And last year I discovered the old movie Christmas in Connecticut. I highly recommend it!

13. When do you start shopping for Christmas? I usually start buying for myself (in bulk) the day after Thanksgiving.

14. Have you ever recycled a Christmas present? Yes, but nobody would take the kitty bath towels or gift-which-shall-not-be-named.

15. Favorite thing to eat at Christmas? Christmas breakfast

16. Clear lights or colored on the tree? Lights are a fire hazard, and I’m not allowed around them.

17. Favorite Christmas song? Do You Hear What I Hear. Also I love O Holy Night. I still remember hearing my mom sing that at a church cantata as a little kid. My mom stinkin' brought the house down!

18. Travel at Christmas or stay home? Travel to two different locations. Both about 15 minutes away, both with populations less than 3k. Not glamorous, but at least nobody frisks at security checks. Well, maybe that one crazy uncle, but he's blind, so it doesn't count.

19. Can you name all of Santa's reindeer? Yes. I can’t tell you who our Lt. governor or senator is, but I can name the reindeer. And the members of N*Sync.

20. Angel on the tree top or a star? I dunno, but one time I took out my mom’s glass tree topper because I was compelled to climb a tree and sing into the shiny ornament. We had a great concert. Then right at the doorway in, I broke it. I will never forget that. It wasn’t pretty for me. I think the only reason you don’t hear me on the radio today is because of that moment.

21. Open the presents Christmas Eve or morning? Both. And we still do stockings on Christmas morning. Even though my brother and I are old. And crabby. And probably didn't make anybody's "Nice" list. And every year Santa brings me chocolate covered raisins. Except for one random year he didn't. I never knew what I did that ticked him off so much.

22. Most annoying thing about this time of year? Um...myself? Seriously, I get a little wired and weird at this time. I’m usually behind on shopping, I have a calendar full of events, and I’ve started some insane house-painting project. I shouldn’t be allowed in public shopping places during this time.

Okay, so copy and paste that and send it to 1,000 people you know or your whole year will be cursed, your hair will fall out, and the reindeer will pee down your chimney.
Happy Monday.